


was it worth it?

by mouseratstan



Category: Parks and Recreation, Veep (TV)
Genre: Angst, Crossover, F/M, Political Campaigns, Politics, mostly parks and rec, no veep spoilers, not a very happy ending, presidential au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:40:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27038848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouseratstan/pseuds/mouseratstan
Summary: Ambition isn't a bad thing, not like this. Especially not when President Selina Meyer is practically running this country into the ground and the people are begging for a change.Ben whispers in her ear at night that it's time, and it's time now, before she misses her chance and it's too late.So Leslie pulls herself up one last time, and makes a call to Amy Brookheimer.
Relationships: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt
Comments: 9
Kudos: 20





	was it worth it?

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly a Parks and Rec AU! While it certainly adds to the experience to have seen Veep, it's not necessary in order to enjoy it, as it mostly follows Leslie in a Veep-esque setting.

The world is so beautiful from here.

It's all possibilities and the future, a sense of hope, and even brighter feeling of  _ freedom.  _ Something about this building, this  _ room,  _ it calls out to her, reminding her of all that brought her here, so close she can taste it.

Leslie trails her fingers along the President’s desk and sighs, her shoulders starting to slump. It's occupied,  _ not hers,  _ so close and yet so far. She's not even really supposed to be here without permission, but Selina is off in another city with her team, and nobody in the West Wing particularly cares enough where Leslie goes around here anyway. If anything, they understand. They watch her as she goes, slipping inside, and though nobody says it, everybody knows why she does it. Everybody knows what's coming.

“Nervous, babe?”

She turns to look at Ben, shadowing her with his hands in his pockets, a single brow raised. He’s trying to be cautious, just for her, but there's no fighting the grin flitting across his features, and the slight bounce in his step as he walks towards her. 

“How could I not be?” She’s honest, as she always is with him. There's just so much at stake, so much to lose here. What if she completely fails? What if it's not all it's cracked up to be? “It's been my dream for so long, you know? And now that I finally have the chance…”

“Hey, hey.” Ben soothes her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and bringing her to his chest. She listens for his heartbeat, the steady thudding in his chest the easiest way to ground her, to help her breathe. “You're  _ meant  _ to do this. I mean, you wrote it in your kindergarten dream journal. And it's never been closer to reality than now.”

“I guess that's true.”

“You know it's true. I believe in you. And I support you no matter what happens.”

He kisses her hair, and she closes her eyes as she leans into it. And for a moment, as the two of them stand in the Oval Office, she can just  _ picture it.  _ Both of them here, for the next several years, doing some of the most important work in their lives.

Right where they should be.

***

She’s been dreaming of this moment since she was a little girl.

She used to introduce herself to anyone who would ask as  _ Leslie Knope, future President of the United States.  _ And people would give her looks, or even laugh at her, completely downplay it as nothing but a child's out-of-reach dream that she’ll grow out of by the time she's a bitter and disillusioned adult.

But the thing is, Leslie doesn't give up quite so easily as others. She doesn't lose her hope, or her charm, or her ability to get right back up again after a fall. She powers through college, and her history degree, and her time as Deputy Director of Parks and Recreation. She pulls herself back up after she's recalled from Pawnee City Council, and she does  _ better  _ things. 

She works for National Parks. Her husband, Ben, runs for Congress. He wins his seat and years later, he utters  _ it just makes sense  _ and Leslie becomes Governor of Indiana.

The Governor and the Congressman. A  _ power couple,  _ really, a political powerhouse, the kind of relationship she always wanted to build with Ben. Their kids are well taken care of, and never have to worry about a thing. They have more than enough money to provide them with the best nannies and education, and honestly, life should seem perfect.

But for the first time,  _ the first time,  _ Leslie wants more.

Anyone would tell her to stop. Be happy where she is, because she has it good and her family is happy and why throw everything out on a limb and walk across that tightrope just for a  _ chance  _ at more?

She's too naive, they say. She’s  _ too  _ hopeful. She too often believes the best in people and she refuses to hurt anyone. Whispers of  _ she’s not cut out for politics  _ and  _ one of these days she's going to burn out and give up.  _

But it's fine. She tries not to listen to whispers. Ambition isn't a  _ bad  _ thing, not like this. Especially not when President Selina Meyer is practically running this country into the ground and the people are begging for a change.

Men and women start to announce their campaigns for President.

Ben whispers in her ear at night that  _ it's time,  _ and it's time  _ now,  _ before she misses her chance and it's too late.

So Leslie pulls herself up one last time, and makes a call to Amy Brookheimer.

***

Selina Meyer doesn't show up in anyone else’s office unless she has a bone to pick, and now she's standing right in Leslie’s doorway.

“You're running for fucking  _ President?”  _ she hisses, without prelude, shutting the door behind her. Leslie stands quickly, pushing herself away from her desk, backing toward the wall. “No, no, this is  _ hysterical!  _ Really, it is, you're a goddamn riot, Knope, choosing to run against me.”

Leslie swallows hard. “Madam President,” she gasps— she’s not exactly used to visits from the woman herself, but rather Gary Walsh, who peeks his head in through the door and stays without so much as a glance from Selina. “I'm so, so sorry.” And she is. Kind of. “I didn't mean to upset you—”

“Oh, don't give me that  _ I didn't mean to  _ bullshit, you're not fooling me with that. You’ve got your whole little team wrapped around your finger thinking you're the sweetest little belle out there, wouldn't hurt a fucking fly. But I see right through it, little girl, you aren't fooling me.”

Selina is seething, taking a step closer to Leslie with every word. She's practically got her backed against the wall, reveling in the way Leslie pales, inching away from her, looking so much smaller now than she really is compared to her. Not even her heels can do her justice as she hunches her shoulders and gasps as Selina jams her pointer finger against her sternum, feeling the tip of her nail indenting into her skin.

“I'm not trying to fool anyone,” Leslie insists. “This isn't a power play, this isn't a game. It's just… it's always been my dream, and I want what's best for this country—”

Selina laughs, something almost cold, and she seems to loom over her. “And you think  _ you're  _ what's right for this country? Little miss Knope with your cute little government love story and your mousy little husband? How are you gonna serve? By fanning yourself and using the power of fucking  _ love?  _ True love’s kiss saves the day? Maybe faith, trust, and some fucking pixie dust?” She’s throwing her arms around frantically, her hair flying, and Leslie would be lying if she said she wasn't scared. It's her unmatched power, maybe, or the way she yields it. Maybe it's the way Gary stands in the back clutching his bag, grinning proudly, nodding his head every couple seconds. It's the way Leslie could disappear and no one would ever find out why, if Selina really wanted it.

But mostly, Leslie is scared because she  _ respects  _ Selina. She wouldn't go so far as to say she likes her, but she gets her. She's a very powerful woman, the first female President, the woman to pave the way for people like Leslie and kick the men that doubted them to the side. Leslie wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for women like Selina, but that's just why  _ she has to do this. _

_ She has to run for President. _

“No ma'am,” Leslie whispers, her voice trembling. “I… I was planning on running an honest campaign. With my real beliefs, how I feel. I want to be transparent—”

“You want transparency when you chose  _ Amy Brookheimer  _ for a campaign manager? At first I thought you were willfully blind, but it turns out you're just  _ delusional.  _ Amy was  _ my  _ girl. You think you know her? She's going to eat you up and spit you right back out and you won't even know who you are anymore. It's  _ oh so cute  _ that you value things like  _ honesty  _ and  _ loyalty,  _ but this isn't fucking Harry Potter, this is  _ politics.  _ She’s either gonna get you to drop, or you'll become a dead-eyed monster. Either way, she’ll kill you.”

Leslie’s jaw clenches, Selina’s voice lowering as her threats continue. There’s a tremble in her fingers that she tries to hide, attempting to push back from the wall and away from Selina, but she presses her back, pointing her finger back into her face, right between her eyes.

“You'd better be real careful, Knope, do you hear me? I don't care about your dreams, not when you're choosing to run against me for the ticket. If you're gonna play with fire, I’m gonna  _ guarantee  _ you get burned, and I’ll be here on the other side to shove your cutesy magical little words  _ so far  _ up your ass that afterwards your husband’s cock will feel like the fucking sewing needle that it is.”

She doesn't even bother with a goodbye, or a question on if she understands, before she's spinning on her heels, her hair flipping around her head, and stomping out of Leslie’s office with Gary just behind her, dipping his head to ask her about her hot tea options. 

And for the first time since Selina walked in, Leslie breathes.

And maybe she cries.

***

“Wait, you don't  _ want  _ to give up?”

Amy stares at Leslie incredulously, phone in hand, somehow speaking and texting half the world at the same time. Leslie had just recounted her experience with Selina, at which Amy was fuming, throwing her hands up in that  _ way  _ she always does.

“No, of course not,” Leslie says. “No, I'm not going to let her bully me into giving up this Presidency. It's what I want, and I’m not going to give up.”

“Then you need to be prepared to step up,” Amy says, quirking her brows in a way that indicates she clearly isn't sure Leslie has it in her. “I'm only here because I need a job, and I want to stay in the White House, and I want the White House  _ far away  _ from Selina Meyer. I don't give a flying fuck about your values.”

“I'm not as naive as people think I am,” Leslie huffs, but Amy just rolls her eyes.

“You  _ are  _ naive, welcome to politics. I can get you a team ready. I know a guy, Dan Egan, massive, total, complete shithead, biggest shithead out there, but he’s wandering and he can be helpful. Cafferty is out, he’s too high on Selina’s staff, and I think if your husband talks to Kent Davison we can get him.”

“You want Ben to meet with Kent?”

“They'll bond over fucking numbers and robot parts and Wyatt can tell Davison what it's like to actually get pussy everyday. Easy.”

Leslie blinks, choosing to ignore this comment, watching Amy as her fingers continue to slam into the buttons on her phone, establishing connections faster than Leslie can even speak. “You really think that’ll work?”

“Of course,” she snorts, and holds up her phone. “Dan’s already agreed. He's fucking desperate. But before he joins us, you  _ need  _ to get harder. Let’s go over what policies you’ll talk about—”

“Oh, I already know. I have a whole binder full of all my plans and policies and proposals. It's bright blue and labeled  _ The Three P’s—” _

“God, no,” Amy retches. “No, no, we’re doing away with all of that. No, from now on, we say what we need to to get the most votes. You’re polling pretty well with young people, blue voters, millennials, all those people who buy the bullshit of a better future. But if you wanna  _ win,  _ you’ll need to steal some votes from other areas, which means adjusting some speeches. I’ll tell you what you’ll talk about.” She shoots Leslie a look, making note of the way she’s already turning red, and her lip is trembling. “And don't you dare fucking cry.”

***

It's safe here.

Lately it feels like the only safe place—  _ home.  _ With Ben, tucked into bed with his arm around her, his long fingers gently stroking her hair as she tries not to cry.

“They’re killing you,” he whispers against her skin. “It's getting to you. You don't need to pretend.”

“I'm fine,” she insists.

“You're  _ not.  _ Don't lie to me, Leslie, it's just us. You're not fine. As soon as you're alone you cry because of Amy. You're constantly avoiding Selina. Gary gives you looks in the office and you hate Dan—”

“Well, he's awful,” she sniffles. “I’ll admit to that one, he gets away with being a jerk to women and sleeping around because he's young and charming. He tried to with me—”

Ben sits straight up. “Wait,  _ what?  _ Egan tried something on you?”

And suddenly she feels like crying again. “God, I— He’s just being a jerk. It's because he thinks I really have a shot at winning and he'll do anything to get on the good side of important people, anything to get in their pants—”

“I'll fucking kill him,” Ben hisses, and Leslie reaches to grab his hand, bringing it to her lips. It calms him slowly, and she watches the anger fade, but he's still tense, still on alert. “He's an ass.”

“He is,” she admits. “But he also helps a lot with the campaign. He's a good team member, as much as I hate him.”

“You shouldn't have to deal with people who make you uncomfortable, Leslie. I don't like it, I don't like what they're doing to you.”

Leslie shrugs, tugging Ben back down to bed so she can rest her head back on his chest. “It's fine,” she whispers, but she's not entirely convinced. “Whatever it takes to win, right? Maybe it's worth it.”

But Ben is just silent.

***

Leslie announces a health care plan a couple weeks later that she doesn't believe in.

She does it with a smile on her face, and a thumbs up from Amy. And when she gets home, when Ben isn't looking and her kids are asleep, she cries again, clutching in her arms her binder full of ideas for health initiatives.

But at least she's polling higher.

***

“Oh, I need you to fire April, and I need you to talk to Ben.”

“Wait, I'm sorry, what?”

Amy takes a deep breath, looking up from her phone for just a moment. “Fire April. You know, Ludgate. It's in your best interests.”

Leslie shakes her head, looking back and forth between Amy and Dan, trying to figure out if this was some kind of ploy or practical joke. But that's the thing— Leslie’s unsure Amy’s ever made a conscious joke in her life. “I'm not firing April. I love April, she's my friend, and I want her on my campaign team. She's helpful.”

“Are you kidding me?” Dan snorts. “She doesn't do a goddamn thing. And when she does, it's on her own time. She's crude and slow and she fucking  _ barks  _ at me, and not in a sexy way, either.”

“She's just not helping you,” Amy says. “She's taking up space, she has to go. If you don't tell her, I will. And you need to talk to Ben.”

“Why? About what?”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Because he's being a fucking idiot—”

_ “Hey,”  _ she hisses, “don't you dare talk about my husband like that—”

“He's making you look bad. Not just bad. He's making you look sad and hypocritical. There are already rumors it's an unhappy marriage.”

_ “What?”  _ Leslie gasps, because surely they can't mean  _ her  _ Ben. Her Ben, who’s been with her through everything, who loves her and likes her, who kisses her lips and her head every night and reminds her she’s loved and strong and so, so bright. “No, that's ridiculous. We’re in love, we’re like, super duper in love, I don't know how—”

“Because his policies are going against yours,” Amy says, turning on the television to the local news station. “They're your old policies, old beliefs—”

“They're still my beliefs.”

“Not to the voters, they aren't. Your stances have changed, and Wyatt is out here making himself look like he's on a completely different team than yours. Social media has him pegged as a man who’s begging to get away from you.”

“But that—  _ but that's not true!”  _ she cries, even going so far as to stomp her foot. “He would never… it's not  _ like that.” _

“Doesn't matter what it's like. We’ll fire Ludgate, you go talk to Wyatt. Try and push some sense into him if he actually wants to get to the Oval Office.”

***

April’s desk is cleared out later that day. She doesn't even bother to leave Leslie a note.

And Leslie is too busy to call her and explain, or to even say goodbye.

***

Leslie and Ben are fighting.

They're fighting at home while the kids are gone and it's supposed to be their date night out, but they haven't stopped yelling ever since they got dressed. He’s wearing a dark suit and a bright tie and she's standing in the kitchen with a red dress and her hair up, but it doesn't matter because her makeup is ruined, tears leaving a mascara trail down her cheeks.

And it's messed up,  _ so messed up,  _ that it's come to this, and all she wants is to hug him, but he's kept her at an arm’s length this whole time.

“You can't be serious about all this,” he says, his arms flying. “Firing April is bad enough, but you can't seriously tell me they expect you to sit here and  _ sort me out  _ like I’m your pet who needs to be kept on his leash.  _ No,  _ no, I'm not doing it. I say what I believe in and honestly, I thought you did, too.”

“I do!” she screams. “I do! I told Amy, I told her what I wanted to say—”

“But did you actually get to say  _ any  _ of it?”

She falters, taking a step back, listening to the click of her scarlet heels on the kitchen tile. There's an echo, heightening the heavy silence, the tension between them, the terrifying feeling that this fight isn't like any other. This isn't something they can forget tonight while he's on top of her. This is the beginning of something  _ more. _

“No,” she whispers. “No, Amy told me I can't, because I need to appeal to the older voters—"

_ “Oh my god.  _ This is exactly the problem, this is exactly what I’ve been biting my tongue about. She's ruining you, and changing you, and you  _ don't need her.  _ You can fire her, Leslie, find a new campaign manager. There’s plenty of people out there who want to see you win and won't break you in the process.”

And maybe he has a point, but Leslie is in too deep. She's too far gone, so close to where she wants to be that she can taste it. It's just too  _ dangerous  _ now to switch her campaign managers, especially not when they've been so helpful. And she  _ is  _ polling high, making Selina more scared everyday, even angrier everyday. And the more pissed Selina gets, the more Leslie truly feels like she has a shot at this.

Can't Ben see that?

“I can't,” she chokes. “I can't. I need Amy. I need the whole team. They’re… they’re helping me, babe.  _ I can win.” _

_ “But at what cost?”  _ He looks ready to tear his hair out, his eyes rimmed with red, taking steps back from her. “When does this end? I fucking  _ miss you,  _ Leslie. I miss  _ you.  _ I miss you waking up while it's still dark out and kissing me awake. I miss waffle breakfasts and helping the kids with their homework. I miss catching up with old friends and I miss your Eagleton rants and I miss your enthusiasm for public service. I miss the way you would roll up your sleeves and get in the dirt yourself and get things done. And the kids,  _ the kids…  _ they just wanna eat dinner with you. Just… at least once a week. Just a dinner is all they ask.”

_ “They’ll have that,”  _ she promises, her voice straining, trying to get closer to him as he backs away. “I swear, all of that… all of that will be back as soon as I win this thing. I need to win this, and then we can go back to normal, I can make a better life for our family—”

“I think our life was already pretty damn close to perfect, Leslie,” Ben spits. “I swear, I… I swear I don't even know you anymore. And it fucking breaks my heart, but when I look at you, I don't even recognize you.”

He exits, leaving her in a red dress with tears in her eyes and nothing to say. She can't even call out for him, she can't even defend herself.

He doesn't come to bed that night. She finds him passed out on the couch.

***

Leslie doesn't fire Amy. She doesn't even fire Dan. She does as they say and she watches her numbers climb and it feels  _ good,  _ like a sweet, sweet burst of energy, something that dies when she slips into an empty bed every night.

She forgets to make it to dinner on the triplets birthday.

She cancels anniversary plans with Ben.

She sleeps in the office overnight and she gets drunk in a bar alone.

She yells at a few too many people.

An intern forgets to add sugar to her coffee and she fires him without a second thought. Right on the spot, barely glancing back, throwing the coffee away on her way out the door.

She doesn't say anything when she notices Ben crying in the living room. She doesn't know what he needs. She doesn't know how to make him  _ understand. _

And frankly, when she goes back to read her kindergarten dream journal, full of hopes and dreams and bright plans for the future, she doesn't recognize herself either. 

She wins the Presidency.

But she loses her wedding ring.

***

The view from the Oval Office isn't quite so beautiful anymore.

Maybe because it's something dead now, all in black and white, smelling like something stale, something missing, something lost. It's all hers, and yet, she's never felt so far away from it.

Leslie Knope flexes her bare fingers and looks out across the empty room, at everything she’s ever wanted, but it's not the same. It's not the same if no one is here to see it.

_ Was it worth it?  _ she thinks to herself, feeling the tears starting to come.  _ Is it everything you ever wanted? _

_ No,  _ she cries.  _ It's really, really not.  _


End file.
